20 December 2009
Tonight I cried the tears that refused to come for so long. I'd been expecting them now for some time. I was laying in bed, reading an inspirational book (Cassidy, by Lori Wick), I realized that I miss him so much more than I thought was possible. I opened the pictures stored in my IPOD and zoomed in on his face. I could literally feel my heart breaking with the longing that pulls at my soul. I tell my beautiful husband all the time that I know that God made me just for him, and that I'm so thankful that God brought us together. It's true, but this test of our faith and love is not an easy one. I'm tempted by Satan so much to worry. I've had thoughts of what I was going to do when I found out that my dear Jon was gone forever. I keep thinking the worst things and the tears run hot down my cheeks. Can he see me, my love? Can he see how much it hurts when he's gone? I love you, Mr. Martin. I always have, I always will. Where do we find the courage that we need to go on every day? I hug myself and imagine it's you. I dream and see you there, hoping you see me too. I miss our life. I never thought there would ever be a time when I would rather be away from my family if it meant that I could be closer to anyone, but you've proven me wrong. But where are you now, my love? Do you miss me? I miss you. I hope anyone else out there who is missing someone right now finds solace in the knowledge that you're not alone. Then again, we're never really alone, are we? Our Lord is there, waiting for us to let Him in, waiting for us to believe. I believe.
